Proverbs 27:10

...for better is a neighbor that is near than a brother far off.....

I've been wondering about this.  Sometimes extended family members get together frequently because they want to.  Sometimes the get together occasionally because they feel obligated to.  Sometimes they have other pursuits and obligations that are more pressing.  Sometimes they must sever the relationship completely.   Mind you, none of the above are either right or wrong.... just different.

As a child I didn't know my cousins that well.  The ones that lived nearby were quite a bit older than me.   The ones that were closer to my age lived all the way across the country (Virginia) and all the way across the world (New Zealand).  I longed for what I felt would be a very desirable situation, lots and lots of family, living nearby, and getting together often.  Getting together because they wanted to, not because they had to.

So when I was young I created a fictional family and happily placed myself in their midst.  Our last name was Dalton (don't ask me why, I have absolutely no idea).  As a Dalton I had several brothers and sisters (I have one wonderful brother and two amazing sisters, but I guess I felt I needed more) and lots and lots of cousins.  All of these cousins lived nearby, close enough to walk to our house.

Our house was wonderful.  It was large and rambling.  Two story, a white frame victorian.  There were rooms for everyone and plenty of extra beds for guests.  The whole place was decorated in a wonderful country/shabby chic.  Homemade quilts on every bed, lace curtains billowing at the windows, and a large upright piano in the parlor.

Then there was the kitchen.  The kitchen was the most wonderful part of the home.  Large and well equipped.  Always smelling of something freshly baked.  With a large wooden table in the center that would seat at least a dozen people.  But the best part about the kitchen was the back door.  It was one of those wonderful old fashioned doors that had window panes at the top and lovely frilly cafe curtains.  The reason the door was so wonderful is because in it's window was where each loved ones face would appear.  They would jauntily wave, utter a hearty hello, and come in.  And they were always welcome.

Each visitor brought with them a special gift with just their presence.  It was a place of warmth, love, and true friendship.  There were no feelings of duty.  No petty arguments about unmet and unreasonable expectations, no selfish ulterior motives.  Just love.  Lots and lots of love.

Don't get me wrong.  My childhood was ideal.  I was very happy, just a little lonely.  My brother is several years older  and my sisters several years younger,  I was often by myself.  So I created the Daltons.  A place where I could be surrounded by people.  People who cared as much for me as I did for them.

 You see, I love people.  I always have.  It's hard though, loving people.  People don't always love you back.  Sometimes they are much more willing to take than they are to give.  Sometimes they are pleasant enough, but very superficial.  And sometimes they want nothing to do with you.

There are, however,  those with whom you really connect.  Those who reciprocate.  The whole ying/yang of it all.  Sometimes it's your turn to give and sometimes it's theirs.  In the end there's a balance.  It's called being there for each other, it's called really caring about their needs more than your own, it's called being blind to their little idiosyncrasies, it's called friendship.

So I wonder.  Is it better to have a neighbor that is near than a brother far off?  And I think the answer is yes.  At least it should be anyway.  We could all start by turning off our phones in the grocery store and have conversations with real people.   It's just a thought.

I want to be the neighbor that is near.

Getting Old Sucks

WARNING:  Depressing content.  Not suitable for people who don't have any chocolate readily available.

It's just not fair.  Men can get old and nobody cares.  Cary Grant was a sex symbol in his 80's (and yes, he was HOT!)  Paul McCartney is selling out concerts in his 60's (and he is HOT, HOT!).  And the Rolling Stones, don't even get me started...they are almost 100 arent they?  (but definitely NOT hot.)

But women on the other hand....women can't get old.  If we do we have let ourselves go.  We are no longer desirable and we can no longer think for ourselves.  Women have to dye, snip, starve, tuck, inject and implant in order to remain viable human beings.  (But there is so little left that is actually human!)

I can no longer see (Erma Bombeck, my hero, called it "loss of menu"), my skin is starting to sag, and little lines are beginning to appear on my face.  Every thing else is sagging as well and as Erma said..."I can't look at my neck without being reminded that I haven't made chicken soup in a while".   I leak, I snore and I waddle.  And there are little gray wires that relentlessly poke through the quaff.  A former co-worker when asked if he was over the hill would reply "I'm on top", well it's all down hill from here.

An announcer on a television commercial states that age is nothing to be ashamed of then the actress boldly announces that she is 43.  Then they proceed to try and sell me a cream that will miraculously make me look years, if not decades younger.  As if that's my only hope.  SHEESH, 43!  How in the world can 43 be an age of which you might possibly be ashamed and that you would most definitely need magic face cream?   Well I'm 44.  You do the math, It may be too late for me.

You may say at this point,  but you have wisdom that comes with experience.  Well I'll tell ya, the only place that wisdom of the elderly (and I use that term loosely) is truly appreciated and revered is possibly in Asia.  Certainly not in the United States.  Sure you can do TV commercials for adult diapers, denture cream, and stuff that will make your bones less brittle. But you still are not Gidget anymore.  We sequester our elders in active adult communities.  They sit around and play tennis and drink cocktails while the rest of us flounder around and learn life's lessons, all over again, all by ourselves, with out the benefit of anyone wiser leading the way.

Well, I hope I have not thoroughly depressed everyone.  Honesty can sometimes be a real downer.  The good news is that not all people have this narrow viewpoint (the ones that do are mostly people who sell diet plans, exercise equipment and magic face cream).  There are some people in this world (namely my husband, the HOT, HOT, HOTTEST man on the planet!) who can look beyond the package and see and appreciate what is really there.  The stuff that you can take with you. I'm talking about stuff like kindness, integrity, faith, spiritual strength, intelligence, compassion and wisdom.  The stuff that really makes you beautiful.

All About Bones.

I've been thinking a lot lately about bones.  The instances are rather unrelated and disjointed, but perhaps there is some sort of connection.  Perhaps not.

First I have discovered the TV show Bones.  It's about the adventures of a forensic anthropologist who goes around solving murders with the FBI.  I am surprised, even shocked that I like this show.  It's graphic, viewer discretion advised, somewhat disturbing..but at the same time delightful.  I am fascinated by the science, the ability to identify, classify and learn from tiny details.  To reconstruct someones life just from studying their bones.  It's like our body is a journal.  The bones remain to tell the story.

Second I read the book "The Lovely Bones"  by Alice Sebold.  This is a book about life, death, and continuing.  (It is also quite disturbing and I can't believe I enjoyed it as much as I did.  I guess I am either becoming hardened, jaded, or just maturing perhaps).  It is the story of a family and the life that they build around the reality of their daughters murder.  Not to let the event define them, but to let go, and although its a part of them, move on.  The story is told by the dead daughter.  As she watches her family come together in happier times she says "These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence:  the connections--sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent--that happened after I was gone."

Third, I homeschool two of  my sons and my third grader has been learning about the skeletal system in his science class.  Two things fascinated me during the studying of this unit.  First, bones are alive...they grow, regenerate, and can become diseased.  Second, bones are useless without muscles.

So now I am trying to draw some conclusion, make some sort of connection but nothing is staring me in the face as obvious.  So take from these ramblings what you will and *make no bones about it. :)

*This term means to have no objection to or state in a way that allows no doubt. It actually dates back to 15th century England and is a reference to the unwelcome discovery of bones in soup - bones = bad, no bones = good. If you found 'no bones' in your meal you were able to swallow it without any difficulty or objection.  (http://www.phrases.org.uk/)

Would they sing?

I have a few minutes every morning when I'm the only one stirring.  It's nice to have the quiet and time to think.

Currently I am wondering if the Who's down in Whoville, the tall and the small, would really start singing with no presents at all?  It seems to me in the world we live in today that upon discovering their misfortune they would call the authorities, have the Grinch pursued, prosecuted, and demand restitution.

Is it possible that there could be so much love and happiness among a community that "things" really wouldn't matter.  It it possible that the priority really could be each other and being together?  Is it possible that there could be so much forgiveness among people that the Grinch really would carve the roast beast?

Sometimes I wish I were a Who.

Good day sunshine.......

I always thought I was a winter girl.  Having a December birthday I was convinced as a child that winter was really my favorite season.   The funny thing is that the highlight of my entire year was going to the store and getting my summer sandals, and my favorite holiday has always been the 4th of July.  Winter girl?....I think not.

I love the sunshine....I love the warm weather.....I love to swim.....I LOVE wearing flip flops every day of the year!  I never would have believed it, but I am a summer girl.

If I had a day that I could give you
I'd give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

I'm ready......

Well I set a goal that I would post on my blog every two years, regardless of how busy I am! So far so good! Seriously, It's interesting how life moves forward. I'm ready, it's time, I feel now I have something to say.......

Whew.

I haven't posted anything in nearly a month and I haven't knitted in nearly as long. I could go into boring detail about everything that has been keeping me busy but would rather not re-live it. (Not that there was anything bad, on the contrary. Not bad, just exhausting.) Instead I will simply recount the lessons I have learned.

1. I am a tad too anal about where my dishes are put away. I never though I was, in fact I always prided myself on how open minded I was. Denial I guess, because it really does bother me if someone stacks the pots and pans their way instead of mine.

2. I am turning into a fairly decent cook. It's taken me half my life, but I'm getting there.

3. More than any thing else, children desire time and attention from the the grown ups in their life. Everyone needs to be validated.

4. Getting up in the wee hours of the morning to go shopping can be somewhat productive but is really quite insane.

5. Parents need to take a few steps back and let their children succeed or fail all by themselves.

6. We can not let winning or losing define who we are or how we feel about ourselves.

7. Making 200 hydro bracelets for your son's entrepreneur's club craft fair can prove to be somewhat tedious and quite painful.

8. It's not all about money. More money is rarely the answer.

8. It truly is better to give than it is to receive. But as my wise son pointed out, it's OK to receive because if you are giving, someone is receiving.

Which brings us to how we should do our receiving......

9. It's all about gratitude.

The craziness is pretty much over, it's time to relax, do some serious Christmas baking, and......KNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happiness to you in your life ahead!